“You don’t need to hear the apology before you decide to heal.” Heal as you’ve heard it! The closure is a personal responsibility and it seldom needs partnership. Dr. Matthew L Stevenson
Those words should make you pause and give serious thought! As human beings, when someone has hurt you, we want and feel we are due an apology. And, in most cases you are right. But, when it does not happen or take place in the time frame we anticipated, our lives are in an uproar and we want our just due.
I remember asking the Lord, why I had to be the one to forgive? My thought was, he should be the one apologizing to me. Talk about being pissed! The anger was so deep that I wanted to see him suffer. I wanted him to feel all of the pain, anger, hurt, deceit, and suffering I felt all those years. He needed to pay for what he had done to me. There I’ve said it! How many of you have ever felt this way? I would soon learn a few valuable lessons that would challenge me greatly.
My journey began, morning after morning, crawling into my secret place and allowing the Spirit of God to speak to my broken soul. While reading the Bible, praying, and quietly listening to instrumental music. At times, the cries were the only sounds heard as I expressed the deep wounds I had nursed for years. Transparency with God allowed me to expose it all, with no holding back.
Quite a few months down the road, I realized I was starting to feel different. I was now ready to hear and do exactly what I needed because I was open to the healing path and freedom from the past. As I continued with personal counseling, I was being exposed to truths about incest/sexual abuse which helped me to understand what I had been through and the effect it had caused.
I began to see small glimpses of growth before an apology would occur. I began to see why healing was becoming more meaningful. What I did not need was a verbal apology, but a personal encounter with the One who could penetrate through my damaged soul and restore my entire being.
The apology would come many years later. Ultimately walking in forgiveness and surrendering to the process of healing, would become God’s greatest work in me. And, I witnessed the changes He would accomplish in my father’s life.
If you are struggling in this area, consider and know that you are worth so much more than an apology. If it does not come, you will have wasted valuable time sulking. But, when you choose to move on with your life, the gratification you gain will be so much more rewarding in receiving the healing you so richly deserve.